Interview with Bryan Bienias from the band Cougars. (Go Kart Records).

 The Cougars sound bloody vile, dirty and raunchy, ehm anything else that I forgot to mention about your sound?

  “You could also include moist and chubby, if you wanted too.”

 You will be compared or linked to Rocket From The Crypt, although drenched in an acid bath and fuelled with tons of alcohol, I guess. Do you agree and this bother you?

  “The fact that those comparisons are going to be made is unavoidable. Rocket was a rock band with horns, we're a rock band with horns, but so was Chicago, so who the hell cares. But no, it doesn't bother us, we just chalk it up as lazy listening.”

 Your tough street rock with tons of balls is due in large part to the singers gritty vocals, where the fuck did you find him and how did he get a voice like that?

  “We found him (Matt Irie) outside the local Ponderosa singing Danzig songs for cheap scotch. I think his voice comes from the demons and him occasionally gargling bacon grease. “

 According to me the better pogo punkin’ numbers on this slab of destruction are “Flatbush”, “Slow pants charger” and the murderous twister “A friend to dogs”, what else do you recommend and what for exactly?          

  “I recommend walks in the park and long conversations with good friends about sandwiches and the feasibility of intergalactic space travel. If for no other reason but that you owe it to yourself.”

 I haven’t heard such muddy ass shaking saxophones before and was wondering about how you manage them like this?

  “There's actually sax and trumpet played by Jeff Vidmont and Mark Beening respectively. They just manage themselves, coming up with parts over what the rhythm section lays down. Both of them do an incredibly fine job of weaving the horns into the whole fabric, usually turning the whole song into a completely different animal.”

 Is there a sensitive site to the Cougars that I have failed to mention or discover?

  “I thought “Nice, Nice” was our sensitive side. “

 How should we envisage The Cougars live experience?

  “Imagine eight wicked virtuosos masterfully acting out a sonic opera in three parts while floating like butterflies about the stage. It's all sex appeal.“

 Will our thoughts become reality soon? Meaning will you be touring your ass of to promote this album and where will this bring you?

  “We have been doing quite a bit of touring of the U.S. since “Nice, Nice” came out. We just came off doing a couple of weeks with Fu Manchu on the east coast and southern states. Unfortunately, we haven't had the means to get overseas, yet. But when we do, hell man!“

 How much sex is there on this album and how much sex is there in general when you tour?

  “I don't know how much sex is on your particular copy of the album and I'm glad this is a written interview so you can't tell me. In general, though, there'd have to be about a cup and a half of sex on tour. “

 Tell us about your members in the band, what have they done in life before Cougars or what else are they still occupied with besides the band?

  “We have all been in numerous projects throughout the years with each other and with other folk. Some more successfully than others. Nobody's gotten to the point of living off this or any previous band, yet. So we drink to forget how poor we are.“

 How painted that simple yet beautiful and o so relevant cover?

  “It's from an old book of pirate tattoos. Our drummer, Brian Wnukowski, found it in his attic or something and we all said, "hell right!"”

 That must look nice on a t-shirt doesn’t it?

  “Oh, it does. We have an assortment of colours for all shapes and sizes to choose from. Hit us up at cougarsrock.com if your down.“

 What do you prefer a tractor, van, motorcycle or speedboat?

  “If the motorcycle has a sidecar than, hell yeah. If not than none of the above because motorcycles with sidecars rule hard.”

 How much drugs is there in your band and who is alcoholic or vegetarian?

  “We prefer to shy away from such labels as "druggie" or "alcoholic". To Cougars it's about maintaining balance. Balance is key. Balance out your trucker's speed with your booze, balance out the burger with a carrot-- if your not hungry, try some weed--if the weed works have some beef jerky--if that upsets your stomach and you need to get rid of it--wash it down with some smokes---if that dries your mouth out have an Old Style then do a couple sit ups. It's all about balance.“

 What nice movies, books, or records shouldn’t we miss out on and why?

  “Eddie and the Cruisers II : Eddie Lives”, because it rules---The Dictionary because every book ever is in there--and all Manowar records ever recorded because they're the Kings.”

 Give two tracks on your album that could change the world of MTV and why?

  “MTV is basically beyond hope. If “New Found Glory” and “Yellowcard” couldn't turn MTV on it's head I don't know what piddled Cougars song could. I think it's up to Sway and John Norris to tear that world apart from the inside. “

 Would you want Cougars on the radio and TV al the time instead of all these cool R’n B cats?

  “As you can hear in our music Cougars strives to achieve maximum radio friendliness in all or songs. Our photogenic qualities are beyond comprehensions as well. This doesn't necessarily mean that we have to steal all the thunder from the cool R n' B cats, it's just how we roll. If the major media conglomerates came up and said, "All airplay all the time" how could we say no? It's uncanny.“

 What’s the best fucking football team in the world and who is the best bass player ever?

  “The Chicago Bears---but if your talking about soccer football, then yeah, The Chicago Bears.  Best Bass Player Ever, would have to be Donald Duck Dunn from the Blues Brothers.”

 Would you play the Middle East supporting Motorhead if you were asked to?      

  "Yes, Yes, Yes. Because that's what Freedom's all about.“

 Go Kart records a cool record? Would you trade it for the big buck that Rick Rubin has to offer?

  “If we also got to cut a chunk out of Rick Rubin's beard and sell with all our records than you know it. Go Kart's been great to us and everything, but Greg Ross's back hair is nothing compared to the might of Rubin's beard.”

 Trikke & Dirk.